In Japan, making love on VRChat is called sugar (Osato). If you are interested in Japanese culture, you have probably heard this word before.
This article will provide a detailed look at love affairs in various aspects of Japanese culture.
Sugar is called “Osato” in Japanese.
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What’s ‘Sugar’ (Osato)
Sugar (Osato) in VRChat basically means the partner portion within VRChat. It is slightly different from the marriage system in online games and the like, but there is a slight resemblance to it.
The definition of a ‘Suger’ (Osato) in VRChat varies. It depends on the person, but broadly speaking, it can be described as follows.
- The most common type is a relationship that feels like being a couple. Basically lovey-dovey in private instances, etc.
- The next most common position is the best friend position. It is not a lover position, but it is the most important friend position.
- There are a small number of cases in which a relationship is formed somehow, by the mood or the mood of the place, or by the mood of the moment. This is a pattern that lasts for a long time.
I had a sweetheart myself, and I remember doing something pretty bold: I invited this cute girl in, gave her some drinks, and asked her to be my sweetheart, and she said yes.
If the distance between the two feels just right, it’s often the case that people go with the flow and ask them to be their sweetheart.
In the Japanese VRChat community, about 70-80% of the population (based on my experience) is male, so naturally, it’s often the case that sweethearts are also between men.
Even though the person behind the avatar is male, the cute appearance of the avatar often makes you think, ‘This is so cute, it’s something that could never happen in real life!’ I personally think that’s why sweethearts between men are common in VRChat.
To be honest, if the appearance is cute, the voice is sweet, or the gestures are adorable, I often find myself thinking, ‘This is totally a girl…’ and end up wanting to be sweethearts. Conversely, even if the voice is male, my brain is already so captivated that I still find them cute and end up liking them—this isn’t uncommon from a male perspective.
However, since VRChat also has its own communities, if you repeatedly start and end sweetheart relationships quickly, you might get labeled as a problematic person, making it harder to enjoy VRChat. In some cases, this leads to people changing their account for a fresh start.
What is the definition of a ‘Suger’ (Osato)?
I get the impression that this is probably the most common type of relationship. In the case of male-to-male relationships, it almost never goes into real life (though it’s not impossible), so they often just flirt within VRChat. When sweethearts meet up in person, it usually feels like they’re just really good friends.
But, I have seen situations where, after a few drinks, one sits on the other’s lap, and you can’t help but think, ‘You two are definitely dating, right?’
For male-female sweetheart pairs, if the relationship lasts for a long time, it often progresses to a real-life relationship.
Although you’re meeting through avatars, you can understand the other person well and align your values more easily compared to meeting on Twitter, so the rate of couples forming from sweethearts is high.
Additionally, the ability to sleep together in VR is a big advantage. Even in a long-distance relationship, you don’t feel lonely.
This is the pattern where you think, ‘Well, everyone around me is getting a sweetheart, so I might as well too,’ and end up in a relationship. It’s a phenomenon that tends to happen within the first three months of starting VRChat, and there’s a high chance of breaking up within six months.
I currently have a sweetheart myself, but they’re my second one. With the first, it was exactly like this—I quickly felt like breaking up, and after some back and forth, we did end up separating. My current partner and I have been together for over six months.
That said, it’s true that quite a few relationships that started this way have lasted a long time, so how you manage the relationship after becoming sweethearts is really important.
These are the types of sweetheart relationships that are most common.
It’s the same as real-life relationships—there are times when you start to see hidden sides of your partner after getting together, which can lead to disappointment. That’s why it’s better not to rush into a sweetheart relationship right after meeting. Instead, it’s advisable to enjoy spending a good amount of time together first before making the move.
There are as many perspectives and forms of sweetheart relationships as there are sweethearts, but there are also those who are clearly just looking to meet women and ask them to be their sweetheart.
About ‘Sugers,’ which means having more than one sweetheart.
I previously explained the definition of a ‘sweetheart’ and the different types of sweethearts that exist, but even within those definitions, there are a few cases (probably a minority) of ‘Sugers’—having multiple sweethearts. Some of you might be wondering, ‘What exactly is Sugers?’
Sugars is called “Tatorui” in Japanese.
It’s like the concept of polygamy, but to be more accurate, it’s closer to ‘polyamory,’ where both partners can have multiple sweethearts.
Let’s say there’s a sweetheart pair, A and B. A is sweethearts with B, C, and D, while B is sweethearts with A, E, and F. Although it’s a minority case, this kind of situation does exist.
There are actually quite a few people who might say things like, ‘How many sweethearts do I have again?’ or ‘I haven’t seen my other sweetheart recently’ (while being in front of sweetheart A).
This is just another way of expressing a sweetheart relationship, so I wonder if it’s really okay… There were about three times when I didn’t realize someone was in a polyamorous relationship. Thinking I didn’t have a sweetheart myself, I engaged in a bit of light physical affection, only to find out they had other sweethearts I wasn’t aware of, and I ended up getting scolded.
How to tell if someone has a ‘Suger’ (Osato) or not.
In real life, it’s common to ask, ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ or ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ to find out. You might also hear from friends that ‘those two are dating’ or already know about it. So, how do you figure this out in VRChat?
- Wearing a ring on the ring finger in VRChat.*
- Written in their profile.
- Written in their X (Twitter) profile.
*Sometimes rings are worn as a disguise to avoid being asked to be a sweetheart. If someone is wearing a ring, it’s best to assume they are not interested in having a sweetheart.
If you’re interested in someone and wondering if they might be available, you could try asking, ‘Do you have a ‘Suger’?’ I think that’s a good approach. I think you will get a variety of answers, such as “No, he’s not here,” or “He has no intention of making one at the moment. If there is a chance, I think it is okay to attack after building a relationship of trust.
What is the opposite of ‘Suger,’ known as ‘Salt’ (Oshio)?
Sugar gives a sweet and affectionate feeling, right? In contrast to ‘sweetheart’ meaning a relationship, the term ‘Salt’ (Ohio) is used to refer to a breakup.
Salt is called “Oshio” in Japanese.
In real life, when people break up, they often say things like, ‘Let’s stay friends,’ and it’s the same in VRChat. While there are some who remain friendly as friends after breaking up, it’s more common for those who have gone through an ‘Salt’ to grow distant.
I also grew distant from my first ex-sweetheart, and before I knew it, I had been blocked.
That’s why, when you decide to become sweethearts, you need to understand the risk that you might grow distant if you break up. I don’t think anyone starts a sweetheart relationship with the intention of breaking up, though.
By the way, I have a friend who has gone through 11 breakups (they’ve ‘Salt’ 11 times).
People do change once they become ‘Suger’.
This is actually a real experience I had with my first ex-sweetheart. It started off with a ‘Well, I don’t dislike them, so I guess I don’t need to say no’ kind of feeling, but then they started doing things they never did before, like joining a Friend+ lobby without greeting the other friends or suddenly cutting in front of me without saying a word.
There are people who change like this after becoming sweethearts. This tends to happen especially with those who start a relationship on a whim and with momentum, people who have a relatively short history in VRChat, or those who become sweethearts without really understanding their partner well.
I made this mistake myself, so if any beginners are reading this, I hope you won’t rush into a sweetheart relationship on a whim! On the other hand, if there’s someone you truly care about, someone you love, someone you want to be with, then do your best to become ‘Suger’!
‘Suger’ that start on a whim and with momentum can easily turn into a curse.
By the way, many people who have been on VRChat for over a year have had experience with sweethearts (including current relationships). There are quite a few who are willing to share their experiences, so if you’re interested, it might be a good idea to ask your Japanese friends about it.
Lastly
This time, I provided a summary of the sweetheart culture in Japanese VRChat. To be honest, if your avatar is cute, you can pretty much have a sweetheart with anyone if you want to. Compared to getting a boyfriend or girlfriend in real life, it’s significantly easier—this is a fact.
Also, be cautious if someone with a long history in VRChat suggests becoming sweethearts even though you don’t have a deep connection, especially if you’re a beginner. Of course, most experienced players are very kind, but it’s true that there are a few who are primarily looking for sweethearts. Beginners should be careful of those kinds of people!
That’s the culture of romance in Japanese VRChat! Enjoy your VRChat life!
